I am grateful to my mother for all the things she taught me. I am grateful to my fifth grade homeroom teacher, my seventh grade English teacher and my high school media production teacher. But some of the most important lessons, the most interesting and discussion-worthy lessons I ever received came from another source. For teaching me the things no one else wanted to talk about or even knew how to talk about, for discussing them with compassion and honesty and frankness, for keeping a sense of humor while providing me with profound insights, for all of that and more I am grateful to … Phil Donohue.
Long before talk shows became a series of loud, embarrassing family fights and blatant attempts to shame and humiliate guests and studio audience participants, Phil was exploring the nooks and crannies in our society no one else seemed to be giving any attention. Did he ever exploit people? Did he sometimes work the ratings? I’m sure he did. Maybe you never liked Phil, yourself. But to me, as a kid just trying to figure out her own identity, Phil Donohue always seemed sincere and genuine. He cared about people, and he introduced me to a whole lot of people I learned to care about, too.
It was Phil who talked with gay men, and lesbian women, and people who were having operations to change from one physical gender to another. He didn’t talk about them. He didn’t talk down to them. He talked with them about their realities – and he listened. And in doing that, he taught me to listen. It is in listening to the real stories of real people that I have learned so much and have felt so much and have grown so much.
Yesterday was National Coming Out Day. Whether you are Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender or an Ally, spend some time this week listening to the stories of others who have experienced homophobia and a society that continues to support in overt and covert ways “heterosexual privilege.” There is much we can share and so much more we can learn!